I went from 135 lbs noodle arms in high school to a 180 lbs lean fighting machine. At 22, I started to get my fitness in order; I started lifting weight when I was 22 and still continue to this day (I’m 29)
Growing up, I wished I had a mentor who said:
“Listen Max, this is how you get fit. You stretch, run, lift weight and learn how to fight. You become a mean mother fucking fighting machine. You get it? You should be able to punch a hole through someone. Train hard and stop jerking off.”
Here is my top 9 fitness tips, regardless of your fitness level.
01. Start today and don’t give up
You see, Joe went from this …
to this …
Exercise is a life long habit.
Remember Joe from college who was in a football team? And now, 10 years later, he’s a fat sack of shit? Someone should have told Joe to keep exercising, no matter what.
Think of exercise as a routine, like going to the washroom or having sex (no youtube motivational video needed)
The average middle aged (western) man has pregnant belly and noodle arms. Plenty of sex awaits the fit middle aged man.
You know what sucks? Not being able to touch your toes and having sex in funny positions. Also, stretching improves blood circulation, gives better posture, and shorten muscle soreness.
Every single day, I stretch for 25 minutes. I do it on the bed while watching youtube videos. Stretching feels good and natural – I noticed my dog keeps stretching every time he gets up.
03. Lift weight. Come on, get big
Lifting weight doesn’t mean going to the gym. You can lift weight at home or go to the park.
If you don’t stretch or run, then lift weight. Lifting weight strengthens your tendons and bones, burns fat and builds muscles. Plus, you’ll get more sex by merely standing around shirtless.
04. Learn how to fight
Lifting weight is about lifting heavy things and putting it down. Combat sports is about endurance, flexibility, timing, power, speed, fighting IQ. At the minimal, take up boxing. Learning Muay Thai + Judo makes you Uber Human.
You packed on the muscles, now put it to good use by learning how to punch a hole through someone.
05. Soda pop / sugar drinks is cancer
When I was a kid, I drank 17 cans of coke cola in 1 day (and I got a nose bleed from it).
A can of Coke Cola contains 39 grams of sugar. If you drink 1 can of Coke Cola per day, in 365 days you will consume 32 pounds of sugar and gain 18 pounds of fat. In other words, sugar drinks is fucking cancer (in a literal sense, because aspartame in diet Coke is linked to cancer)
Nowadays, I only drink coffee (without sugar) or water. I kicked by sugar pop addiction when I was 21, when I realized “wait a second, this sugar water shit isn’t good for me …”
06. Just eat wholesome food
Eat your grains, vegetables, meats (turkey, chicken, pork, beef in moderation), sea food (sardine, tuna, shrimps etc) and fruits. Boil, steam and bake your food. Avoid deep frying. Try not to over eat.
Pretty simple, right? Yet diet countless books are written, each claiming the latest “revolutionary diet” … what load of shit. And normal people eat it up, by the fist full.
07. You don’t need expensive equipment or supplement
I made the mistake of buying name brand workout pants and shirts and I don’t even wear them. I have a pair of comfy shorts and t-shirt I always wear to work out.
I never bought a pair of gym gloves, otherwise I would kill myself for being a pussy who’s afraid of getting callous.
The strongest men in the gym usually wear old tattered clothes, while the pregnant gut men with noodle arms wear Under Armor.
08. Work out 3-4 times a week
Because you’re a busy person who doesn’t have time to pump weight 6 times a week in the gym.
The biggest, meanest guy I know lifts weight only 3 times a week, 1 hour per session. When I go to the gym, my session is about 45-60 minutes.
I have seen too many guys in the gym for 2 hours fucking around and not lifting. Hmm.
09. You don’t need protein shakes
Whey protein helps but you don’t really need it. Save the money and buy fresh, wholesome meat and fish. Fuck companies that shill the latest “revolutionary” protein shake (which may contain carcinogens)
When will this “I drink protein shake in between my sets” end?
In conclusion …
Nothing is sadder than seeing a middle aged man with a pregnant gut and noodle arms; he can’t even fuck his wife for 15 seconds without having an asthma attack.
The Uber Human is the complete package – stretch, run, lift weight and learn how to punch a hole through someone. When you have done it all, you might be cocky enough to write an article about it.
See you next week.