So, you’re going to visit Tokyo. Congratulation! You have a fine taste in traveling. This guide will help you make your trip to Tokyo more fun and less stressful.
But first, about hotel, transportation, internet
Always book online, a week in advance. You’ll save lots of money. I recommend staying around Shibuya and Shinjuku, since you’ll be near a very convenient subway line.
… on transportation:
Everyone uses public transportation in Tokyo. You can get around by subway, train, or bus.
It’s a real hassle buying a ticket. Instead, you should get a suica card – a pre-paid subway card, so you can go in and out the subway like the locals. Equipped with a suica card, you can board the subway, train and bus by tapping your card on the scanner.
If you’re going to use the bullet train to travel outside of Tokyo, I recommend you get a JR rail pass, which is so much cheaper then buying an individual ticket. JR rail pass are not sold inside Japan. You have to buy it before getting into Japan. For more information, check out http://www.japanrailpass.net/en/
(I suggest minimalist traveling – less worry about stuff and more time to experience the country)
Now that we got that out of the way – are you ready to have an amazing time in Tokyo?
Let’s go …
Visit Kabukicho – Tokyo’s red light district
Kabukicho – the notorious red light district full of strippers, gangsters and hustlers. It’s notorious but not dangerous.
In Kabukicho, you’ll find various adult related fun, including hostess clubs, strip clubs, and oppai clubs. I’ll elaborate on this soon.
Here’s my kabukicho story:
I stumbled upon kabukicho by accident, when I was walking around shinjuku at night. The main kabukicho strip is located on a narrow road, with mean looking yakuzas in suits standing at the door ways and touts running around soliciting.
I strolled down the street and absorbed everything in sight. It felt like I was in a movie. Very gangster, very Japanese.
A black man, most likely a Nigerian, approached me.
“Yo man, you want beer? Women?” he asked me.
“You trying to hustle a hustler?” I replied. He laughed, gave me a bro fist and we departed.
I walked down the street, and 5 minutes later I heard running foot steps.
“Ni hao!” he shouted. A Chinese guy with t-shirt and jean smiled at me.
“I’m not Chinese,” I replied.
“Oh okay,” he said. “Do you want women? Beer? Strip club? You don’t have to pay me any money … ”
“The club pays you?”
He smiled and nodded.
“I’m working for the Yakuza right now,” I replied. As an afterthought, I said: “I fucked 200 pounds of ass and pussy last night.”
“What?” he said quizzically, not quite sure of the last sentence.
“Have a nice day,” I walked off.
Disclaimer: I walked through kabukicho district twice at night, and once during the day to go karaoke. I did not visit the strip clubs or oppai clubs. The descriptions below are second hand experience, from talking to my Japanese friends and online research.
Hostess clubs are high class women dressed up nicely, they treat you like a king.
They pour you drinks, light your cigarette and flatter you. You pay for the service by time. The hostess club charge the customer out of the ass for expensive beer and champagne. Hostess club’s customers are usually rich business men.
Strip clubs usually hire Vietnamese, Thai, and Filipino workers. You won’t find authentic Japanese girls – unless you know where to look.
And finally, you got oppai club. You sit down on a couch, in a dark room that plays techno music, and get to fondle titties. You have to pay every 15 minutes.
I’m not sure if you can fuck hookers in kabukicho. If someone knows, please leave a comment below.
(Apparently, if your Japanese is good, you can order hookers over the telephone and they come to your place)
Beware of this common kabukicho scam
I met Rina in Tokyo. She’s a 20 years old student and this is what she told me:
“My girlfriend turned 20 years old – that’s the legal drinking age in Tokyo. She went to kabukicho by herself. A tout invited her to his bar. She drank their beer which they put drugs in. She passed out and woke up on a stairway of a random building. They took her wallet and charged 3,000,00 yen [ed: about $3000] on her credit card”
I read stories like that on the Internet – so I wasn’t surprised when Rina told me that story.
I would say kabukicho is relatively safe.
No one is going to run up to you and mug you with a knife or steal your kidneys.
Bring cash to kabuchiko, and avoid any Chinese or Nigerian tout. Instead, go directly to the strip club / oppai bar that catches your attention.
You can visit kabukicho during the day too – there is a battling cage and karaoke places.
If you visit kabukicho, please leave a comment below and tell me how it went.
What’s more gangster then Kabukicho? Akibahara.
So you visited Kabukicho, the most notorious gangster place in Tokyo. Now it’s time to visit a place even more gangster – Akihabara – or as the locals call it, Akiba.
When you think of Japanese nerd culture, you think of Akiba.
Akiba is called “electronic town” because the streets are filled with electronic stores, arcades, sex stores and maid cafe. To get to Akiba, simply take the train to Akihabara station.
The perverted side of Akibabara
Being a pervert, I spent an hour or so perusing dirty book stores and sex shops.
1. There are porn shops everywhere!
In the west, you’ll have a hard time finding an adult video store. Not in Japan, my friend.
Multi-floor adult video shops, filled to the brim with every imaginable porn genre, from air flight attendant giving complimentary blow jobs, to pregnant sex to “time stop” (guy has a stop watch to freeze time – you can get where this is going)
The majority of the customers are middle aged men – the younger generation, smartly, are torrenting their porn at home.
Fun fact: Japan is the biggest producer of porn in Asia. There are over 10,000 Japanese porn actresses and only 70 male porn actors. Apparently, if you want to be a Japanese male porn star, you need to become a Yakuza.
(The other day, I was thinking of becoming an honorary Yakuza so I can become a Japanese porn star)
Don’t forget to visit the dirty book stores.
There you will find a dozen salary men reading hentai with gusto. I joined them, un-abashed.
When you exit Akiba station, in front of you will be a 6 story sex shop.
Go ahead and proudly enter the store with a shit eating grin.
If you go downstairs, there will be stacks of Japanese porno. There are mini-TV screens that shows the latest releases (a small sign attached to the bottom of the TV, it said: “Please don’t stand too long watching”)
Every floor has a theme – costumes, sex toys for women, sex toys for men, DVDs, books, dolls.
Sadly, you can’t take pictures inside the shop. But let’s say – the sex dolls in Japan are aesthetically pleasing.
The cute side of Akiba
Japan value cuteness over sexiness – that’s why Japanese women speak in high pitch voices.
When you stroll around Akiba, there will be Japanese teenagers dressed up as maids, hanging out business flyers, aka maid cafe.
Because business is cut throat, they have different themed maid cafe. Some dressed up as “ninja maids”, while others dress up as “school girl maid” and “samurai maid”.
I met up with my college Japanese friend. His girlfriend worked at a maid cafe … until she cheated on him (he found out by checking her phone)
“What’s your favorite maid cafe?” I asked.
“The one where my ex-girlfriend worked at …” he trailed off.
We went to his favorite maid cafe. It was on the second floor, off the main street.
We took the elevator to the third floor. It’s a small bar with three college girls working. The customers were mostly young people in their 20s – wait, sitting at the bar, there was a middle aged salary man with a comb over hairstyle. He flirted with the maid. Oh, you smooth player.
The maid presented the menu – basically over priced beer and cakes. When you buy a cake, the maid would come over and talk to you for 60 seconds, or play a game with you like thumbs war, before going back to work.
I ordered a pint of beer and we talked about women and life.
“Your ex-girlfriend will come back to you,” I consoled, “and then, you must have hot, monkey sex with her.”
Interestingly enough, 4 months after I left Japan, my friend told me his girlfriend came back to him (good job Ryo, I’m happy for you)
Note: I tried picking up those maid cafe touts with no luck. They’re instructed not to give out their personal contact. I tried 4 times, to no avail. Leave a comment if you have better luck then me.
The “I want to buy a lot of stuff and play video games and gamble” side of Akiba
Tip: when you buy electronics, don’t buy them from the main strip. Instead, go to the small streets, where you can snatch up electronics at 10-20 percent discount.
From mechanical keyboards to erotic games to high end head phones, you’ll find everything in Akiba.
(If you want to get a laptop, there are so many cheap thinkpads …)
After shopping around for stuff, check out the multi-story arcades, scattered through out the strip. There you can play the latest games and try to beat the Japanese at Street Fighters (I can’t, they’re too fucking good)
Japan is alpha as fuck and don’t give a shit about smoking, as they allow smoking on some floors at the gaming center.
If video games isn’t your thing, you can gamble by checking out the pachinko parlor (word of warning – it’s loud as fuck)
A pachinko is a machine where little silver balls rain down and you try to catch it into a slot. You collect the silver balls and exchange it for prizes and cash.
I didn’t gamble in Akiba. I went inside to check it out and bummed a cigarette from a salary man.
Akiba is a really big place. I recommend you go there early in the morning and spend the whole day there, just to explore everything.
Visit Meji Shrine
After hanging out with harden gangsters in kabukicho and high school girls in Akiba, you’re ready for something new.
Head over to Meji Shrine.
Meji Shrine is dedicated to the emperor Meji and his lovely wife, Empress Shoken.
It’s a enormous park, in the middle of Shibuya.
So you’re outside chilling in Shibuya with its concrete buildings, flashing lights and salary men. Suddenly, you walk into Meji Shrine and BAM – it feels like you’re transported back in time.
Walking in Meji shrine is a spiritual experience.
Listen to the crows squawking and the rustling of the trees. Your footsteps echoing through out the forest.
Go ahead and walk to the central shrine.
Sit and meditate. Ponder the meaning of life and death.
Know that you came from a linage of great men. It’s your destiny to become great.
What’s the difference between average men and great men? Great men took the right actions every day, even when they’re tired, bored or busy.
Hold your girlfriend’s hand and walk around. Realize that you’ll never have this same moment again. Look up at the sky and realize how short your time on earth is, yet Earth is such an amazing as fuck place.
Alternatively, give your best rape stare at the shrine maids, they’re so cute.
I visited Meji Shrine many times, and each time is spiritually enlightening as the first.
How to get to Meji Shrine
Go to Harajuku station. Exit the gate and you’ll find meji shrine. If you’re unsure where it is, just ask a random person: “Meji Jingu wa, doko desu ka?”
Eat lots of Japanese food, drink lots of Japanese beer and get lost in the city
Tokyo is one big fucking city.
I stayed there for 2 months and still haven’t fully experienced the city.
What I recommend is to get lost.
Pick a district you want to explore and walk around for 2-6 hours. Popular districts include shibuya, shinjuku, roppongi, harujuku, odaiba, akihabara
Here is a break down of the districts:
1. Visit shibuya if you want to go shopping and see cute Japanese women. Speak some Japanese to them and make their panties wet.
2. Head over to roppongi, the expensive “baller” part of town, where they have dealerships selling lamborghini. This is the place to party. Whatever you do, avoid Nigerian touts that approach you – they will scam you by bring you to their shitty bar. They will serve you a couple of beers, a plate of fruits and charge you $100 for it. If you don’t pay? They bring in more of their friends to “help” you pay.
3. Shinjuku is a mixture of restaurants, shops and where kabukicho is located.
4. Harujuku – teenage girls and clothing stores everywhere.
5. Odaiba – where the tourists hang out. It’s built on a man made island. There, you will find a mini amusement park, a gigantic ferris wheel (don’t forget the gigantic gundam)
How I describe Tokyo – out of this world
You have 13 million people living in Tokyo, yet it’s so safe and freakishly clean.
You can drop a sushi on the subway floor, pick it up and eat it without feeling disgusted. It’s so clean that, apparently, frisky gay foreigners have sex in the subway wash room stalls.
Come to Japan for the scenery, stayed for the people.
Explore Tokyo, eat food and drink beer to your heart’s content. Visit the tourist attractions and find your Japanese girlfriend – because she’s out there, waiting for you to say hello.
Go forth my comrade and report back.
– Max Uber